I’ve loved you since the one time we were together. No matter where you might be now, I feel that you remain with me in spirit. You will always love me, because I will always love you. Only death can end my love for you, and I fear nothing! No matter what happens to you, you will remain safe forever in my heart.
You ignorantly believe in a wide variety of faith-based nonsense, which brings only suffering. It causes you a false sense of dread, while allowing you to believe that you help to make the world a better place, without doing the hard work of actually helping anyone.
Bonde do Rolê is the best fucking trio ever! We are beautiful, intelligent, and ethical; and our music is beloved by young and old alike. Stop being shy, and party with us! We have enough love for everyone, like Jesus, but in a sexual way. We even like lesbians and women with hairy bushes. We get a little gay when we party.
O fickle Fame! I know not why I love you so utterly, when you threaten to strip me of everything. Your wings carried me from war-torn Marcy Houses to the dizzying heights of success, through bitter depths of betrayal, and along a trail of ruined celebrities. Before Blue Ivy, I had nothing I would not see burned on your altar. Only now do I question where this journey might end. What frivolous obstacles we construct for ourselves in lieu of real problems, O daughter of Elpis!
I’m just a strung-out intravenous drug addict, ineffectual animal rights activist, and hack of a musician. I have nothing to offer you but failure, pain, and madness. I refuse to drag you down into my horrors. It’s too late for me, but you still have so much potential.
You’re a pragmatic Generation-X man who expected me to be an equal partner in our relationship, but I’m a Millennial, so I’m not interested in taking on adult responsibilities. After we broke up, I found catharsis in intentionally destroying my own car. Now I’m loving life, free of your expectations.
I look positively dashing in my fashionable and properly-tailored formal attire, as I dance to the fullest extent of my considerable ability. Look at Jessica Biel’s curvy body in that sexy formal dress. I’m never jealous, because I feel secure in our monogamy. Watch us carefully, and learn how you too can be this classically elegant.
Hey girl, your current boyfriend doesn’t respect you as the sort of liberated woman you are, with your tight little jeans and those amazing natural tits. I want a woman who writhes in conflict between her sexuality and the oppressive cultural obligation to repress it. It’s arousingly frustrating how you coyly decline my sexual advances, while your groping hands betray your true feelings. My fine Jamaican marijuana will dull your inhibitions when I find them inconvenient.
I hold that each of us has the right to live our lives in accordance with our own values, so long as it harms none, to specifically include: dressing and dancing provocatively; having casual sex; associating with people of different races; and consuming alcohol, MDMA, cocaine, and other drugs. Further, it is our moral responsibility to exercise those freedoms, lest we lose them. We stand judged before God alone.